Often times, we tend to be a society that judges others without a second thought. Some theorists relate the innate, yet subconscious ability to pass judgement upon a glance goes back to the days of the cavemen. From an evolutionary standpoint, we judge others in order to stay alive. It was part of the fight or flight reaction in which we access someone as either a threat or something harmless.

To this day, this concept reigns true, yet we are judging ourselves, and others, so harshly that we end up having a negative perspective and outlook. Unfortunately, we as a society are very hypercritical. We tend to be the toughest critics and the harshest on ourselves. Having negative self-talk is very damaging and so unkind to ourselves! I have came up with a few quidding questions in which to engage in meta-cognitive thinking.

Am I Kind to Myself? A Map To Kinder Self-Talk and Metacognition

When I think about myself do I tend to immediately think of positive adjectives or negative?
-Put thought in how we talk to ourselves, it is the voice we hear most! (we can’t tune ourselves out, unfortunately!) haha
Is it hard for me to compliment myself or focus on the good that I am doing?
-I challenge you to start the day by with, “I am strong! I am going to get through today because I am amazing. I also encourage you to say a few good things about yourself verbally at the start of the day. One about your kindness, morals, character (because this is the base of who we are and what we should be most proud of), one about your looks, and one about how you treat others. In saying, what I call the three layers of compliments, we see ourselves as a well rounded individual, and although we may feel we lack in a particular area, it helps to realize we thrive in others!
When thinking about my positive attributes do I catch myself adding “but…” to the end of the statement? For example: “But I could work on this or do that better… or So and So has this or seems so good at that.
-If the answer is yes, I encourage you to catch yourself in the process of doing so and to retrain your brain. I encourage you to say three nice things about yourself (your character, attributes, looks, morals, talents, etc.) Pump yourself up instead of tearing yourself down!
If someone was saying the things that I think about myself to or about someone I love, would I feel sad or angry?
-If your answer is yes, I invite you to question yourself as to why you would fault someone saying such things to you or your loved ones, yet you give yourself a free pass to tear yourself down.
If I were to say the things that I think about myself TO someone I love, would they be hurt?
-If the answer is yes, I challenge you to reflect on why you value the feelings of someone you love more than your own sentiments.
If someone verbally said the things I think about myself to me, would I feel sad, down, angry, or upset?
-If the answer is yes, I encourage you to remember that internal dialogue has the same effects as auditory stimulus.
Love,
Kennedy